Wizard's Oath
by Atana
Summary: Sequel to A Joke Gone Wrong and Saving Snivellus. The Hogwarts school year has continued. Lily Evans and James Potter have joined Severus Snape's small circle of friends. What happens when both boys spend the Yule Holiday at the Potters?
1. Default Chapter

WIZARD'S OATH  
  
A Severus/Marauders Fanfic  
Sequel to "Saving Snivellus"  
  
Written and Illustrated by Atana  
  
(See bio page for hyperlink)  
  
Chapter 1 – Rapprochement  
  
It had been Lily Evans, of course.  
  
Lily Evans had been the glue that held the uneasy new alliance together, and both James Potter and Severus Snape would have agreed that such a statement was nothing but the truth. It was the Saturday before the Yule Break, and Lily and James sat in the Great Hall waiting for Severus to arrive.  
  
The sky (both inside the Hall and out) was a dull lead gray, threatening to spit snow once again today. Lily and James both loved snow, and would have welcomed more. Severus didn't like snow quite as much due to the Marauders' quest to cram as much of it as possible down the back of his neck – preferably when he was pushed face-down, suffocating in all that heavy coldness.  
  
"You make Sev feel bad in any way and I will skin you alive," Lily said earnestly.  
  
James looked up (he had been carving into his notebook the legend "Gryffindor Rules") and blinked. "Always in command of the understatement! Don't hold back, Lily," he grinned. "Tell me how you really feel."  
  
It was Lily now rather than just plain Evans. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is known in the trade as progress.  
  
Lily giggled and looked at him with the confidence Nature gave to girls who instinctively knew they were pretty, and charming, and could command boys to do their bidding with only a smile.  
  
------------  
  
Lily and James' joint rescue of Severus Snape from the Ministry of Magic had been a maturing experience for all three of them. James and Severus had reached a rapprochement of sorts; they were far from being the best of friends, but at least they wouldn't tear each other to shreds.  
  
Lily still clung to the belief that she was too young for a steady boyfriend, and so kept both boys (who adored her to distraction) at a friendly arm's length. What held her back were memories of her nasty older sister 's puling and fawning over that bewhiskered tub of lard she called her "boyfriend". Boy? Better a walrus right out of the Lewis Carroll books! Lily believed that there would be time enough for beaux in the future – her long, long future.  
  
"All I'm saying, James," Lily continued, "is don't do anything to upset him. His mother has gone off on a cruise to the Isle of Crete and the Cyclades with one of her old Ravenclaw chums, and Sev isn't too keen on going back to the family manse by himself. I think the Lestranges invited him home with them, but he's too ashamed at not making the Quidditch Team again to spend a lot of time with them. Those two eat and sleep Quidditch, you know."  
  
James grimaced inwardly. Those two particular snakes were dirty players who used their bludger bats like offensive weapons. "All right, Lily. I get the picture," he sighed. He had dug a heart into the cover of his Charms textbook (he could just remove it by magic later), but had remembered himself in time to avoid writing "JP + LE" in its center.  
  
"And remember – you two took the Wizard's Oath."  
  
James sighed once again. "I know, Lily."  
  
He had done so out of a sense of shame over what he and his friends had done to Sev over the years; James was no monster, for heaven's sake. The Marauders had really been no better than Snape Senior in that regard, and James felt lucky that Severus hadn't conjured up a more powerful demon to blast them all to kingdom come. The Gryffindor boy avoided even thinking the names of such entities; you never knew what you would inadvertently whistle up if you did.  
  
The Wizard's Oath wasn't necessarily a troth of eternal friendship, but rather one of alliance. Back off my Family and I will back off yours. One hand washes the other. You to the North and me to the South.  
  
The other major reason he had taken the Wizard's Oath was to please Lily Evans.  
  
Of course.  
  
------------  
  
Severus Snape now headed for the Great Hall.  
  
Even in the middle of this iron-gray winter afternoon, snacks were made available for the students who wanted an energy boost. But Severus had the House Elves beaten all hollow. He carried a large bag of candy procured from The Sweet Tart (cute name, wasn't it? Sev had shuddered; he hated cute) in Hogsmeade. His mother – now Chancellor of the Exchequer by default due to her husband's incarceration – had increased Severus' allowance considerably. There was money enough for a treat now and then.  
  
"Be sure to buy plenty for all your friends, Sevi," his mother had said (Severus still didn't have the heart to dispel her of the notion that he had made dozens and dozens of friends at Hogwarts). "Don't forget the Headmaster and that sweet Lily and James, all right, honey?" He hadn't stopped to think twice about those three. If he'd bought candy for anyone else, they probably would have thrown it in the gutter, thinking it cursed.  
  
Indeed, Severus had just dropped by the Headmaster's Office to deliver a pound of lemon drops to Albus Dumbledore. He now smiled to recall the old wizard's delighted reaction and the hug and hair tousling he had received in exchange. It had made Severus so happy. He was also happy that his real father now sat cooling his heels in Azkaban Prison. Maybe the nasty old bugger would get a nice Dementor's kiss one of these days real soon. Severus earnestly hoped so.  
  
He also hoped that Lily liked walnut fudge. James, he knew, would eat anything that wasn't red-hot or nailed down.  
  
-------------  
  
"Hey," said Lily. James gave the approaching Slytherin boy a nod.  
  
"Hey. Hope you two are hungry for a treat," Snape said, sitting down at the Gryffindor table. He opened the bag. Both students perked up at the mention of "hungry" and "treat".  
  
"Here we are. Bott's Beans. Chocolate Frogs. Fire Sticks. Boggart Bats. Wax lips. Wax teeth. Wax bottles. Gummi Skrewts. Cherry Mash bars. Cornish Pixy Stix. Candy necklaces. Walnut fudge – "  
  
"Oooh," said Lily.  
  
Severus smiled.  
  
"– Pecan fudge. And Divinity, but I'm going to scarf most of that down."  
  
Without another moment of hesitation, all three teens tucked in and ate steadily until Lily caught the eye of Perdita Sanderson, one of her friends and the school yearbook photographer.  
  
"Perdy! Over here!" she shouted, waving frantically.  
  
James – ever the ham – psyched himself up for giving his most dazzling grin ever; Severus commenced crawling under the table. Fishing him up by the scruff, Lily said, "Let's have a nice picture of us for the yearbook!" Draping her arms around both boys, Lily smiled brightly. Perdita raised her camera, took a flash picture, and then made her apologies as she had to make up an exam for Transfiguration (the snapshot was destined to be the only Hogwarts picture in which Severus Snape actually smiled).  
  
The students descended back into their candy frenzy until Severus heard a voice behind him.  
  
"What are you doing over here with the Gryffies, Sev? Slumming?"  
  
It belonged to one of his two cousins. "Take your pick," he said, gesturing toward the wealth of candy.  
  
Rabastan Lestrange took a handful of Bott's Beans and Rodolphus took a Cornish Pixy Stik, even though he knew the massive amounts of refined sugar it contained would make his teeth ache for the rest of the afternoon.  
  
"Still coming home with us?" Rodolphus remarked, sneering at James Potter. They were Quidditch rivals, after all.  
  
"I suppose," Severus said.  
  
"Maybe we can work on those Quidditch skills," Rabastan added, unintentionally hurting his cousin's feelings.  
  
"Maybe," Severus said, breaking eye contact with them and subtly signaling the end of the conversation.  
  
"Well then," Rabastan said abruptly. "See you." Both boys, now chomping away, turned and left.  
  
Severus nodded, revolted by the feeling that his face was burning with shame. He hated it when he couldn't hide his emotional reactions to things. It made him feel vulnerable.  
  
"Hey," Lily said, touching his arm.  
  
Severus jumped.  
  
"Oh, sorry! Sevi, I've seen you play at Quidditch. You're very good, really!"  
  
Lily was all too kind, as was her nature. Severus recalled how Sirius Black had charmed his broom so that it threw him onto his face not once, not twice, but three times during Tryouts this year. Too embarrassed to even react to Lily's compliment, Severus sat silent.  
  
"Well, I must be off," Lily said, not adding to the boy's discomfort with her innate ease at such things. "Thanks for the candy, Sevi. You're so kind."  
  
Sevi? She called him Sevi just now. Twice!  
  
"See you later, Lily," the Slytherin boy returned with the smallest of smiles.  
  
"TTFN, Lily," James Potter replied.  
  
"TTFN?" she exclaimed.  
  
"Ta Ta For Now," James grinned.  
  
"Cute," Lily smiled.  
  
Severus winced.  
  
A few minutes passed. Both boys had felt compelled to dispose of all the unwrapped candy, since it would get all nasty and squished to a paste in the bottom of Severus' book bag. Waste not, want not.  
  
At that moment, James had an idea.  
  
It wouldn't be so bad, would it?.  
  
And Lily would really, really like him for it. He could picture her pretty face lighting up with happiness and pride!  
  
Oh yes. Do it.  
  
"I suppose you could come home with me for Holiday, Sev," James Potter ventured. "Nothing special there as you know, but the candy shop in my town beats the one in Hogsmeade a dozen times over."  
  
Snape looked up as if James had suddenly slapped him in the face.  
  
"I don't like it when people try to trick me," he hissed, his eyes dark with suspicion.  
  
"I'm not trying to trick you," James replied with a noncommittal shrug. "It's an honest offer. We can practice on our brooms, if you like. We can stay up all night playing Exploding Snaps and eat an entire chocolate cake a day. We can go to the Muggle movies until our eyes fall out of our heads. Or, we can sleep most of the time and only get up when Mum makes us a meal. If you don't want to come, then fine." Potter swept up the remaining wrappers along with his books and hurried out of the Great Hall, intent on catching up with Lily.  
  
Severus sat stock-still in wonder. Someone had just given him an invitation.  
  
He blinked.  
  
Potter had just invited him back to his home.  
  
Snape's lower lip quivered the tiniest bit.  
  
Potter's home had given Severus a glimpse into what a normal family was like for the first time in his life. The boy sighed deeply. It hurt his heart to remember something so wonderful.  
  
Potter's mother and father, obviously loving one another and loving James, not corrupting the very air around them with hatred and rage. Mrs. Potter, who didn't mind the children taking what they wanted from the refrigerator, instead of cowering before a tyrant husband. Mr. Potter, who took gentle joking from his son with a smile instead of a curse and a backhand across the face.  
  
And what was more, James' parents – strangers, after all, and neither of them Dark or Slytherin – had welcomed and accepted Severus completely and without hesitation. It had nearly broken his heart.  
  
James' invitation presented a dilemma. It certainly did at that.  
  
Offering kindness to a boy who had only known cruelty -- acceptance to a boy who had only known ostracism – and friendship to a boy who had only known rejection now clawed at his heart, awakening his most desperate wishes and longings.  
  
His heart was still so sore from the loss of Britomartis Vox, the only true friend he'd ever had. He felt warm tears fill his eyes. Looking around to see a few other students still eating their snacks, Severus shoved his feelings down as hard as he could.  
  
He so wanted to chase after Lily and James, his new friends. He so wanted to tell James that he would be happy to revisit a home that seemed a dream to him.  
  
But cheerfulness made him uneasy. Friendship made him cautious. Invitations made him wary.  
  
Now firmly back in control – his face reflecting no emotion whatsoever – Severus Snape put the remaining candy in his book bag and hoisted it over his shoulder.  
  
James was still friends with the Marauders, after all. James could control his own behavior, but held no great sway over the other three Gryffindors. Sirius Black's grudge against him was even greater after being removed from the Quidditch Team by McGonagall and chastened by Dumbledore. James, on the other hand, seemed to have gotten over it and moved on. Severus had no idea, of course, that Lily had been the primary motivation behind his tentative friendship with the Slytherin.  
  
Severus sighed again, deciding that he would go down to the Potions Lab. He could think it through in the dungeons, where he felt safe and shielded because most students didn't like it down there. Professor Sartoris would allow him to work by himself on a potion of his own choice or one he suggested.  
  
Yes. That would be good.  
  
Severus dearly loved the warmth that radiated from bubbling cauldrons. He loved the measuring and careful addition of each ingredient. He loved the final result – a perfectly brewed potion.  
  
Perfect. From him, if one could imagine such a thing.  
  
After all, potion brewing was very precise. Very controlled. It required your total attention and your utmost care. You did a set series of steps perfectly and you were sure to get the predicted result. So unlike feelings, which were illogical, and messy, and –  
  
And what?  
  
Dangerous.  
  
With one more cautious glance around him, Severus Snape left the Great Hall. 


	2. The DoNotTrust List

Chapter 2 - The Do-Not-Trust List  
  
Suspicion on general principles surrounding him like a shroud, Severus Snape returned to Slytherin Tower. Shoulders drawn up tightly, his long untidy hair covering most of his face, he made his silent way through the Slytherin Common Room. A few students looked at him but no one spoke to him.   
  
That was the way he liked it. People made him afraid. They made him afraid, and that was enough to condemn them all in his eyes. Just stay the bloody hell out of my way and I'll stay the bloody hell out of yours.  
  
Severus entered the bedroom and looked around briefly. No one else there; fine with him. It was time to do a little thinking. He had a school vacation to plan for, after all.   
  
Should he return to the Potter home, or shouldn't he? He knew his heart cried out for an affirmative response, but he had been wrong before. He had trusted the wrong sort before, and had always been burned for it. It always paid to be cautious – especially when you contemplated something that would make you happy. Happy moments were few and far between for Severus Snape.   
  
Well, time to get on with it.  
  
He pulled out his oldest and best copy of Most Potente Potions. Translated from Gitford Haas' Dutch edition and printed in Munich in 1823, it had cost him nothing since he had stolen it from his old man's library. Nasty git never missed it; nor would he miss it now. Few library privileges in Azkaban these days; Severus thought to himself, a nasty little smirk forming on his face. That was a good one!   
  
Pulling his wand out of his sleeve, Sev tapped page 148 four times, and a sizeable parchment appeared on his desk.   
  
It was his Do-Not-Trust List. He occasionally consulted it when making decisions; after all, even paranoids had enemies. Severus smirked again. Another good one. He was the lad for jokes today!  
  
Right up there at the top of the list was none other than Confutatis Maledictis Snape. It was depressing, really, to read the long list of transgressions his father had committed against him -- at least, those transgressions he had dared commit to writing. The list seemed to go on forever, and the last entry had been made only a few months ago. And then -- they had stopped.  
  
The earliest accounts were hearsay from his mother, of course. Da had gotten himself in a heap of trouble when he had taken his infant son to St. Mungo's, complaining that the useless little git didn't seem interested in his toys, or in playing, or doing anything other than lying still and staring into space. Severus sighed. At least he had learned early how to keep his mouth shut. According to Mum, the St. Mungo's healer had then asked Da where the useless little git had gotten a fractured skull.   
  
Well, it had hit the proverbial fan then! Yes indeed!   
  
Snape the Elder had responded that the useless little git had fallen out of his crib, right onto his own bloody head. The healer had pointed out to Da that babies generally didn't launch themselves out of cribs to scramble their brains on hard marble floors, and that a Report would Have to be Filed.   
  
Severus wondered if such a report had ever been filed, and -- if so -- where it had ended up. "In the garbage, most likely," the boy murmured to himself, "along with the rest of my childhood."   
  
That had been the end of St. Mungo's for him. Privately-compensated healers had beaten a steady path to Snape Manor over the years, tidying up all those nasty little injuries caused by that ugly little prat (formerly the useless little git) falling out of trees, falling down staircases, falling off brooms, falling into the fireplace, and so forth and so on, et cetera and et cetera.   
  
All designed, of course, to inconvenience the illustrious Confutatis Maledictis Snape. Couldn't have that. Spare the rod and spoil the child!  
  
Of course, there were healing spells and this and that to toss around when you didn't want anyone knowing what you were up to. The only problem with using the Dark arts for such purposes is that one of these days your bones just might crumble to powder on you. Using glamourie was all right as far as it went, but then again, certain people might just see right through them.   
  
That Albus Dumbledore had been nobody's fool. He had Filed one of Those Reports, but nothing Had Come of It. Well, that hadn't really been the Headmaster's fault, now, hadn't it? He had urged Severus to provide testimony to the Ministry that would have landed Da in a world of hurt back when he was a First-Year, and it would have served him right. Severus had declined, giving Dumbledore no particular reason. Folks like Dumbledore didn't think of what would have happened next if he had. When one's mother's life had been threatened, one kept one's mouth shut. He had more or less learned to ignore threats on his own life, the same way hd'd learned to ignore mirrors.   
  
Severus caught a ragged sigh in his throat as he continued to scan the list. Why hadn't they just given Mister Confutatis Maledictis Snape the Dementor's Kiss right away? That would have been fun. Severus would have loved to have taken the parental unit to St. Mungo's to sit and dribble and drool with the rest of the brain-dead.   
  
How do you like it, Father, he would have asked. If you fall into the fireplace or fall down a flight of steps or fall out of your bed onto the hard floor and gods forbid snap your stinking neck like a twig, they might Have to File a Report.   
  
File this, you bastard. I hate you for killing my life.  
  
Severus briefly wondered what sort of boy he would have become if -- for example -- Mr. Potter or Albus Dumbledore had been his father instead. Twisting his fingers, he now slammed the proverbial lid onto that line of inquiry in a hurry. It would only provide him with a few moments of useless hurt and the chance to go off on a crying jag just when one of his blithering idiot roomates came in jabbering about Quidditch or some girl they fancied.  
  
And next on the Do-Not-Trust List?   
  
Mum, of course. Nice woman. She loved him and he loved her, but she was Weak. If James Potter had been beaten up by some evil savage perverted Dark Arts freak -- if James Bloody Potter had been thrown onto the bloody hard marble floor for crying too bloody much, you could bet that Mrs. Potter would have belted the git right into next week. Severus often wondered whether Mum's own brains had been scrambled at some point. Too many blows to the head, perhaps, accounted for her lapses in judgment.Those crib accidents can be nasty.  
  
Severus quickly scanned the next batch of names, most in a recent hand.   
  
Mallory Phagan - shoved me out of his way going down the hall. Twice.  
  
Sophia Stellamaris - made me trust her then threw it in my face. Made me feel like a bigger freak than I generally do.  
  
Lucius Malfoy - for treating me like I was something that needed to be scraped off the bottom of his expensively-shod foot; for having more money than I have; for being more handsome than I could ever hope to be, on and on ad infinitum.  
  
Mrs. Whatzername Vox - for forcing my Martis to transfer to Beauxbatons.He still wanted to believe that the old battleaxe had also forbidden Martis from owling him, ever. He still wanted to believe that Martis would always be his friend, like she'd promised.   
  
Moira Everts - for making fun of my nose.  
  
Everett Potts - for making fun of my nose.  
  
Cassandra Kariotis - for making fun of my nose.  
  
Greta Bulstrode - for being a pushy cow who sat around picking at her fingernails with her big teeth while I did all the lab work.  
  
Daveigh Morgan - for laughing at me because my clothes were too small.  
  
Willett Gargery - for telling me I was uglier than his ass end.  
  
Next on the list were the Marauders.  
  
Sirius Bloody Black - for treating me like I was his personal whipping boy. For chafing and vexing and goading me as if it was his Mission from God. For being good at Quidditch and good at getting girls to drool all over him and for making it all look so easy. I hate you so much, Sillyass Bloody Black.  
  
Remus Bloody Lupin - for sitting there like a sap watching Black beat the crap out of me. Git should have sold bloody tickets.  
  
Peter Bloody Pettigrew - for dribbling down his shirt front with joy every time ol' Snivelly took it in the teeth. For being a nasty fat porky git who sucked up my fear and pain like it was the ambrosia of the gods.  
  
There it was. The last name.  
  
James Bloody Potter.   
  
Saint James the Incorrigible.   
  
For not falling off his broom and onto his big nose and for not being so afraid of being wrong and for not waking up everyone in the bedroom with screaming nightmares three times a week, at least, until they all wanted to drown him in the well just to shut him the hell up.  
  
James Bloody Potter didn't have any horrors. He had a good home and decent parents. He had apologized and had even taken the Wizard's Oath, not that it mattered much, really, but he had made the gesture. He had apologized repeatedly for hurting Martis. He had also apologized for up-ending Severus, baring his ass to the entire bloody school. Perhaps Remus Bloody Lupin could have sold tickets to that as well.  
  
Snape blinked hard. Those weren't tears, were they? Oh, please. Back to business.  
  
James Bloody Potter had made Snivelly feel welcome in his home, and had let him borrow his old gown (Gryffindor patch be damned!), and had even helped him send his Old Man packing to Azkaban. Bye bye, Da. Happy Yule and May your Soul Rot.  
  
And now James Bloody Potter wanted to spend his Yule Holiday with none other than ugly, sad, pathetic, bashed-up-and-battered-all-to-hell Snivellus Snape. He wanted him to eat chocolate cakes and go to Muggle movies and sleep late and play Exploding Snaps and buy pastries and candy and lie around useless for a whole glorious fortnight.  
  
Severus bit his lip and twisted his long fingers together, not that those gestures helped his decisionmaking any.   
  
He would have liked to ask Martis what she thought of the idea, but Martis was gone. He ran his fingers through his greasy hair and clenched them tight. He would have loved to ask Dumbledore but the man would take him for a total idiot if he did, and such a thing couldn't be borne.  
  
I know.  
  
I'll go if Lily thinks it's a good idea.   
  
Lily's name doesn't appear on my Do-Not-Trust List.  
  
At least so far. 


	3. Snips without Spirals

Chapter 3 - Snips without Spirals  
  
---------

"Hey," Lily Evans said, tossing down her books on the table and ignoring the dirty looks of the five or six Slytherin hangers-on still finishing their breakfasts.  
  
"Hey," Severus Snape said.  
  
"You look like you haven't slept in a month."  
  
He blinked at her. Why didn't he have the fortitude to just go out and buy a pair of sunglasses to hide behind, like Spirals? "I'm -- all right," he said. "Thank you for agreeing to speak with me."  
  
For such a terror, Severus was really quite fragile in many ways, and she was anxious to set him at ease. "It's my pleasure, Sev. You act like you're not worth it or something!" He dipped his head in that sad way he had, his long dark hair now curtaining his face.   
  
Lily leaned forward. "Hel-lo...anybody home?" she singsonged, hoping to calm his obvious anxiety by smiling into his dark eyes.   
  
She wasn't used to dealing with a person like Severus Snape and suspected that he let very few people see this side of his personality. As fearsome as his magical repertoire appeared to be, she felt she was dealing with a lost little soul so afraid of losing friends that he went out of his way not to make any. He was utterly lost without Britomartis Vox. A few months earlier, his depression had gotten so bad that the Headmaster himself had to take him in hand to help pull him out of it.   
  
"James -- " he began after clearing his throat.  
  
"What has he done, Sev? I'll brain him!"  
  
The Slytherin boy stretched out his hand as if to push her back. "Hold on! He hasn't done anything bad. That's what I wanted to talk to you about! He's -- well, invited me to his home over the Yule Holiday."  
  
Lily's jaw dropped.   
  
"Really?" she recovered.   
  
Immediately, her internal treachery detector went on full alert, her brain crowded with unpleasant images of the Marauders versus Snips without Spirals at his side.  
  
"I -- have a hard time trusting people, Lily," the boy said hesitantly. "I -- don't want to be tricked again. You know what I mean, don't you?"  
  
Recovering quickly again, Lily nodded. "Sure. I understand completely! And you wanted my opinion?"  
  
He nodded. "I used to have Martis to ask, but -- " He dropped his head again.  
  
"You haven't heard from her?"  
  
He shook his head, praying to the gods and anyone else who would listen that his eyes wouldn't begin to water in front of Lovely Lily.   
  
She thinks you're nutters as it is -- if you start blubbing like a baby, she'll get up and walk away and never look at your ugly face again! And who would blame her, after all?  
  
Once he felt back in control, he raised his head and looked into her green eyes with his solemn black ones. "No, I haven't. But that's neither here or there. What do you think of the invitation?" he asked, biting the inside of his cheek out of sheer nervousness.  
  
Lily was quiet for about half a minute, Sev's stomach tightening with each passing second.   
  
"Well, let me think about it, all right?" she asked. "I just want to check a few things out."  
  
"Like if they're setting me up for a particularly cruel prank -- cruel because it's the Yuletide, and cruel because -- "  
  
" -- because your friend isn't with you. Of course." She reached over and squeezed his hand.   
  
He was too surprised to react. He would have loved to have held her hand, if only for a few brief moments. He had no human contact with anyone at all since Martis had been involuntarily transferred to Beauxbatons. He had gotten used to her cheerful affection, and felt his soul dying a little more each day for want of it.  
  
Sensing his mind slipping away into gloominess, Lily took charge. "Well, I must get to Potions, and so must you. Want to partner me today?"  
  
Sev looked up at her, nodding. In spite of what had happened in the Great Hall last term, Lily had no hesitation in continuing to assert that Severus was her friend as well as the best lab partner at Hogwarts.   
  
"Sev -- are you sure you're all right? I think my mentioning Martis upset you, and I'm sorry."  
  
The boy fought a sudden and dreadful urge to cry out in loneliness and bewilderment over Martis' seeming defection and betrayal. She had promised to owl him every day -- and he had heard nothing, after all this time.   
  
Why would she want to stay in touch with a loser like you? She probably has half a dozen boyfriends by now! She only felt sorry for you after all, you clueless git!   
  
His throat tightened painfully. Again, he dipped his head. Just as quickly, Lily grabbed his chin and pushed it back up. His eyes widened.   
  
"No hiding, you! Let's get going, we're late already!" She grabbed a fistful of Slytherin robe and tugged at it to get him moving. Both students got up and hurried through the Great Hall doors just as the House elves began their clean-up in earnest.   
  
By the time Severus walked into the Potions Lab, his emotions had been neatly tucked away and his facial expression set in an undecipherable blank. He was fully composed.  
  
Chillingly so, in fact.  
  
------------  
  
As the weeks and months had passed after Martis had departed for France, Severus had grown more and more desperate in his heart and mind. Why had she broken her promise to stay in touch? His heart ached, and nothing in his life brought him surcease from the constant loneliness he felt.  
  
Sev's roommates had complained -- some out of concern and others out of annoyance -- about his appearance and behavior. He rarely slept and rarely ate. His hair -- which had been admittedly unkempt before -- had gotten downright nasty. He had stopped going to breakfast -- which had progressed to skipping lunch -- until his meagre clothes hung on him. They were pretty sure that he cried in his sleep, though no one really wanted to get close enough to make sure. He had threatened to curse anyone who commented on his physical or mental state; after the Belial incident, Snips' threats were taken very seriously by his Slytherin brothers.  
  
His Head of House, Professor Penderdandis, had come and spoken with him several times, as had Rowena Price, the Slytherin House Mother. Both knew that the boy was in a bad way, yet neither seemed to be able to do anything for him.   
  
Headmaster Dumbledore had been asked to intervene when Severus had stopped going to classes.  
  
-------------  
  
"May I come in?" Dumbledore asked, pushing on the door to one of the dorm rooms in Slytherin Tower. It was already ajar, probably to let some air into the place.   
  
"Severus?"  
  
The old wizard walked in hesitantly. He wasn't afraid of being cursed, as he better than anyone else at Hogwarts had the means at his disposal to combat Dark magic. Rather, he hadn't wanted to alarm the boy.  
  
From the large and motionless lump huddled under the covers of the one unmade bed, he thought he heard a groan.  
  
"Severus? It's me. May I talk with you?"  
  
"No. Please go."  
  
"Everyone is concerned about you."  
  
"Go away."  
  
"They're -- "  
  
Severus broke in, his voice shaking. "They're tired of me stinking up the place. I accept that. Maybe everyone would be happier still if I slit my wrists -- but then, they'd only complain about having to clean up the mess it would make."  
  
Dumbledore darted forward, alarmed. "NO, Severus -- " He whipped back the blanket, revealing the reed-thin boy curled into a tight fetal knot.   
  
"STOP IT!" Severus shrieked, grabbing for the covers. The heartbroken boy lunged after them, and if Albus hadn't caught him in his forward motion, he would have tumbled to the floor head-first. "No," Severus gasped, covering his head and contracting back into a protective ball. "Please let me alone."  
  
"I don't believe I will, Severus," Dumbledore said in his quiet voice. He sat on the edge of the bed, still holding onto him tightly and rubbing the distraught boy's back. "I don't believe I will. I am most concerned about you, and I'm going nowhere until we have a talk."  
  
Still in a knot, Severus shook his head.  
  
"You don't have to hide from me," the Headmaster said, smoothing the boy's long shock of dirty black hair. He sat quietly, gently rocking him back and forth in the hope that his presence would soothe Severus as it had in the Forbidden Forest. "If you need some help, you know who to ask, don't you?"  
  
The boy moaned. How could Albus Dumbledore even touch his loathesome head? His shame was dreadful.  
  
"Come on, now."   
  
Severus peeked up, his eyebrows furrowed. "Why aren't you gone?" he quavered.  
  
"Because you're my boy, that's why," Dumbledore said.   
  
Severus gave a heartwrenching groan. Within seconds, the Headmaster's lap was full of bony adolescent boy well on his way to what the doctors used to delicately call a "nervous breakdown."   
  
Severus clung to the old man and began to weep.   
  
--------------  
  
Twenty minutes passed before Severus really caught his breath, or even raised his head. Dumbledore -- keenly aware of the child's history of abuse -- simply held him as he had in the Forest, mindful of his emotional boundaries and not attempting to begin a conversation until he was ready to talk.  
  
"I miss Martis so much. Why did she have to leave?"  
  
"Her parents didn't share that with me, Severus," Dumbledore said truthfully, still rubbing the boy's back in a soothing gesture. "I haven't heard anything further from either them on Crete or the Vox children here."  
  
"Martis' sisters and brother won't tell me anything," he moaned. "It's like all of a sudden I don't exist -- like I've somehow become invisible. I don't understand it. She didn't want to go! She told me that she would find a way back to Hogwarts!"  
  
Dumbledore kept his own counsel in this regard. Over the past several years, he had received quite a few comments from both faculty and staff members concerning the closeness of the Snape boy and the Vox girl. Hagrid -- meaning well, without a doubt -- had told Dumbledore that the two of them frequently escaped into a small and isolated tower room with a stained glass ceiling. They would be in there for hours, doing gods knows what. They were always together when they weren't in class or in their respective dorms. They frequently hugged one another or held hands. It was obvious that the two teens were devoted to one another.  
  
The Headmaster now remembered a conversation he'd had with Professor McGonagall, ever vigilant as Assistant Headmistress as well as Gryffindor House Mother.   
  
"They're only children," Albus had told her.  
  
"From such children come other children," Minerva had retorted.  
  
Dumbledore now believed that this had been the reason why Britomartis Vox's parents had transferred her to Beauxbatons, although he would find it highly inappropriate for him to inquire. Hogwarts seemed to be out of the picture permanently, and his role was over in connection with Britomartis, at least.  
  
And that left the trembling boy in his arms, who had remained under his care -- even more so since his father's incarceration.   
  
A brilliant student particularly gifted in Defense Against the Dark Arts and Potions, Severus was nevertheless considered unstable by many at the School. No one had forgotten his summoning of the demon, certainly. His father had pumped his head so full of Dark arts and had so thoroughly terrorized him since babyhood that his emotional development had been permanently warped and stunted.   
  
The boy had more or less been a social pariah since he arrived at Hogwarts at age eleven, even then capable of hexing and cursing with the best of the Seventh Years. His young face had already worn the expression of one who had tasted life and had found it unacceptably bitter. He shied away at the most casual overtures of friendship, and flinched from anyone who might accidentally touch him. The abuse for which he bore no blame had made him quite unloveable.   
  
Britomartis Vox must have been like a heavenly angel to him, ready to love and protect him for all time. Unfortunately for the boy, Martis' parents must have felt that he had failed to meet the standards for an acceptable companion for their youngest daughter. And so -- she had gone, taking a large part of Severus' heart with her.  
  
"My son, I don't know why she left, really. I do feel very bad that she hasn't kept in touch with you. What you must do is remember her, yes -- but don't close yourself off from others who might also like to be your friends."  
  
"There's no one, Headmaster," he replied. "Everybody thinks I'm a total freak."  
  
"I'll bet that when you really think on it, Severus, that there are classmates of yours who wouldn't mind seeing you up and about again. Just for me, would you try to get up today?"  
  
Giving his eyes a final wipe, the child nodded. Depressed or not, he always wanted to please Dumbledore.  
  
"That's the stuff! I'm very proud of you; I know it isn't easy -- not easy at all. Now, let's draw a hot bath and get you cleaned up. I would very much like to see you eating lunch in the Great Hall today. The House elves have made seven different kinds of pies for dessert, and I'll bet that one of them will appeal to you." He gently poked Severus in the middle. "Or maybe two or three of them?"  
  
Severus smiled tentatively, then peeked up at Dumbledore's face. "Is one of them lemon chiffon?" he asked.  
  
The Headmaster laughed out loud, his taste for anything lemony well known to students and staff alike."Naturally," he said. "Well, then! Up, child!" He set him back on shaky feet, and then guided him over to the bathroom.  
  
"I'm afraid I'm out of shampoo," Severus said quietly.  
  
"We'll just use Malfoy's, then. He always buys the best, and I'm sure he'll never miss it."  
  
-------------  
  
"Prongs" certainly hadn't contemplated being waylaid by Lily Evans on his way from Potions to Transfigurations.  
  
"Just WHAT do you think you're DOING?" she cried, taking the boy's shoulder and whirling him around to face her. James looked back at her, thunderstruck. He had no idea what she was talking about.   
  
"Asking Severus to come home with you, I mean!"  
  
A little defensive now, James shrugged. "I feel I owe him, Lily. If you don't think so, then I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree."  
  
The redhead looked at him through half-closed eyes, trying to discern the boy's true motivations. "And the Marauders won't be coming along?"  
  
"Of course not! I'd consider that a dirty trick, Lily. Why are you interrogating me? I'm only trying to do the decent thing, and you're acting like I've stabbed the kid in the back."  
  
"Well," Lily said, backing down a bit. "It's just odd, considering that you've always taunted each other. It's quite a sudden change of heart, is all."  
  
"That was before I pranked him at the Lake."  
  
"Pranked him?" Lily hissed. "Is that what you call that travesty? It was thoroughly wicked, and I never would have thought it of you."  
  
James threw up his hands and rolled his eyes. "Haven't I apologized at least fifty thousand times to everyone and their cousin? Isn't that what I've been saying? Since we helped him send his old man to jail, he's been a lot better. In fact, he hasn't pranked me once, and I for one have returned the favor."  
  
Lily considered this. The other three Marauders had been involved in subsequent encounters, but James had not.  
  
"Well, I'm sorry if I snapped at you. Snips is a wreck without Spirals. I think a Marauders prank on top of it would -- well, just do him in."  
  
James nodded. "I understand that, Lily. I really do."  
  
She looked at him coolly. "What are you planning on doing over vacation, anyway?"  
  
"Nothing but eating and sleeping, I hope," James said. "Sev's so gloomy and depressed. I thought it might cheer him up. He got on well with my parents, and I'm sure they'd be glad to see him again. Especially my mother -- remember how she kept trying to stuff him full of food when we were there the night we returned from the Ministry of Magic?"  
  
"Ah, yes. The same night you took the Wizard's Oath," Lily reminded him.  
  
"That's right. So, that's all there is about it. And if you don't mind, I'd like to get to class before McGonagall transfigures me into a mountain goat or an ocarina or something. And I would be very happy to eat lunch with you today." He grinned happily at her.  
  
"We'll see," said the lovely and mysterious Lily Evans. 


	4. Home for the Holidays

Chapter 4 – Home for the Holidays

Sirius Black's jaw nearly hit the top of the Potions lab table he shared with Remus Lupin.  
  
"Oh, please tell me you're joking, Prongs!" he cried, hyperventilating.  
  
"No," returned James Potter. "I'm not joking. Stop ranking me out because Sev's spending break at my house!"  
  
"But PRONGS!" Sirius nearly screeched. "It's SNIVELLY! It's SLIMEBALL! By all that's holy, it's the CROWN PRINCE OF DORKVILLE!"  
  
Severus surreptitiously waved his wand, super-gluing Black's posterior to the seat of his chair.  
  
"Prongs, stop the madness!" the Gryffindor continued. "Get a grip on reality! It's MISTER SLICK! It's DROOPY-DRAWERS! Are you MAD?"  
  
James shrugged, basking in the calm gaze of approval heading his way from the lovely green eyes of Lily Evans. She and Snape sat directly in front of him, working on their cheerfulness potion. Potter then turned to Peter Pettigrew, his own lab partner, and asked whether their potion – which resembled toxic sludge – was boiling yet. Wormtail looked into the cauldron and shrugged noncommittally.  
  
"So – you decided to take James up on his invitation, then?" said Lily.  
  
"I did," Severus replied.  
  
"What are you planning on doing?"  
  
"Relaxing."  
  
"You're a man of a thousand words," she laughed, amused by his terse answers.  
  
"I don't need words," Severus replied with a touch of a smirk on his face.  
  
Still agitated by his best friend's apparent descent into lunacy, Sirius now looked down into his own cauldron only to see it packed full of fish heads.  
  
"Damned greasy git," he hissed. Enraged, he leapt to his feet, whacking his lab stool against the table behind him and spilling hot potion all over his own bum.  
  
Sirius Black's next pejorative was unprintable.  
  
Severus thought of inquiring whether the Gryffindor's ass end now felt cheerful, but thought he might like to keep his teeth for the holidays.  
  
---------------  
  
The last bite of the last dinner in the Great Hall had been eaten, and bags and trunks loaded up for home visits had been flooed home or loaded onto the Hogwarts Express. The Marauders bade one another farewell until next term ("Make sure you get your mum plenty of grease cleaner for her carpets," Sirius had gravely counseled James).  
  
Severus had left two pounds of lemon creams and his term Potions lab report (marked "Best I've Read in Years. Superlative!" by Professor Sartoris) with Albus Dumbledore as a Yule gift. The headmaster had been instrumental in keeping the boy in school; for a full three weeks after he'd rescued Severus from his depression-induced isolation in Slytherin Tower, Dumbledore had reported to his door promptly at 7 every morning to ensure he ate breakfast, then had casually (or not) dropped by the boy's first class to make sure he was in attendance.  
  
As the two boys were leaving for holiday, Sirius Black had asked Severus whether he was getting new underwear for Christmas; Severus promptly webbed Sirius' toes and laughed aloud when he stumbled.  
  
-------------  
  
It had only seemed the gentlemanly thing to do for James and Severus to see Lily safely flooed to her home. As had befitted a lady, she had invited the boys in; as had befitted gentlemen, they had graciously accepted her offer, then emptied the family refrigerator.  
  
Lily's older sister Petunia had been most upset when she found that the Christmas cake she had baked for her beau (who was in attendance and sorely vexed) had mysteriously vanished, and had made a nasty comment to that effect to Severus. Severus had responded that he didn't think whales could get cake through baleen anyway.

Vernon Dursley then offered to fight Snape.

"Sorry," Severus replied. "I'm more passive than aggressive, it seems."  
  
It hadn't been until midnight of the following day that Petunia's closet had detonated.  
  
-----------------  
  
The Potter parents, who did their best to reduce his self-conscious unease, had warmly welcomed Severus back. It helped that the family had been aware that his mother was far away and his abusive father was in jail. Indeed, throughout his stay, James' parents couldn't have been kinder to him.  
  
The first night home, both boys slept around 14 hours. Once awake, they lay about the house stupefied for the rest of Christmas Eve, decimating platters of turkey and ham sandwiches. Later that evening, Sev had actually taken part in the family's Yule festivities, a new experience since his father forbade the celebration of holidays.  
  
The Potters had given Severus a fine new red sweater. He had ducked his head and hid behind his hair so they would not see the tears in his eyes. The Slytherin boy hadn't expected them to treat him like a member of their family and their goodness made his heart ache.  
  
Late on Christmas night, Sev had transfigured a clear plastic measuring cup into a miniature Hogwarts castle as an impromptu present to the Potters. He had then placed it on top of a mirror and illuminated it with tiny dots of light. It had made a lovely gift.  
  
Nobody other than Britomartis Vox had known that the Slytherin was an artist.  
  
-------


	5. The Pig Cake

Chapter 5 – The Pig Cake  
  
The Yuletide having been duly celebrated, it now fell to the boys to spend the next few days playing Wizard's Chess, napping, eating, going to the Muggle movies, resting, purchasing sweets, sleeping, eating some more, and playing more Wizard's Chess. Severus proudly wore his new red sweater "in keeping with the season", telling Mr. Potter that he owned only dark- colored clothing and that it was a nice change. Mrs. Potter said the color suited his beautiful dark eyes, which caused him to blush nearly as red as the garment.  
  
---------  
  
One morning shortly before the New Year, both boys awoke to the smell of baking. Of course, this compelled both to stagger down the front stairs to discern the cause, and eat it if they could.  
  
Severus stared at the magnificent three-layered chocolate cake. It had been freshly iced, and the chocolate dripped down its sides in decadent splendor.  
  
"That is the finest chocolate cake I've ever seen, Mrs. Potter," he said, heartily meaning it.  
  
"It's not really a chocolate cake, Sev," James corrected him. ""It's a Pig Cake."  
  
Mrs. Potter rolled her eyes and shook her head, a smirk on her face. "Not another one, Jimmie," she said.  
  
Severus had no idea what was going on. He had never heard of a Pig Cake before and couldn't imagine what the two of them were talking about.  
  
"Please, Mum? Even though it's not my birthday?"  
  
Mrs. Potter sighed deeply.  
  
"Well, hey, forgot to tell you, Mum! It's Sev's birthday today! Can you imagine the coincidence? Those odds must be astronomical!" He dragged his finger through the fresh icing. His mother smacked his hand.  
  
Severus tensed, ready to flee the kitchen if she was going to start hitting him.  
  
"Take it easy, buddy," James said, sucking the icing off his finger. "You'll like Pig Cake!"  
  
"Actually, it was my birthday last – "  
  
"I know, I know. But SHE doesn't know that," James replied, jerking his thumb at his mother, who shook her head again. She laughed this time.  
  
Severus relaxed, since that meant she wouldn't start yelling or smacking them around. "Um – what's a Pig Cake?"  
  
"You'll see at dinner. C'mon. It's nearly noon, and there's Quidditch goals to be scored!" James shrugged on a heavy jacket and a pair of gloves, and opened the back door with a bang which made Severus jump. Mrs. Potter looked at the slender boy with sympathy and understanding, and waited until he had put on his own coat so that she could button the top button for him.  
  
Mystified, Severus pulled on his black watch cap and gloves and followed James out the door.  
  
-------  
  
The boys came back hours later, noses and ears bright red and their cheeks chapped with windburn.  
  
"I'd tell you to wash up," Mr. Potter said, looking up from reading the newspaper, "but don't see the point."  
  
What did that mean, Severus wondered. He looked at the kitchen table. Instead of the expected evening meal, it was covered with a plastic tablecloth. The giant cake sat right in the middle on a white china plate.  
  
"Your mother and I are going out for fish and chips later," Mr. Potter said, turning a page. "You fellows go right on ahead and enjoy an early dinner."  
  
"Come on, Sev," James declared, spinning Severus around and giving him a little push. "Time for the sweatshirts."  
  
--------------  
  
Both returned to the table a few minutes later. Severus wore an old sweatshirt of James'; it was his first time in Muggle clothes. Mrs. Potter had her arms crossed and was leaning against the drain board. Severus saw that she had a Brownie Starflash – a Muggle camera – next to the breadbox. What on Earth was going to happen?  
  
"Step on up, Sev my man," James said confidently. "This here is a Pig Cake. I only eat Pig Cake once a year, on my birthday. But since it's your birthday today," – Mr. Potter chuckled, shook his head, and turned to the Deaths and Weather page. "– this is YOUR Pig Cake. This is SPECIAL. See? Mum even has the camera out so we can record this meal for posterity!"  
  
Severus wasn't sure what to do. "Where are the plates and forks?" he tentatively ventured.  
  
"You don't need plates and forks for Pig Cake," said James. "The thing about Pig Cake is that you have to use your fingers."  
  
The Slytherin boy looked at the Gryffindor as if he had grown another head. "Are you serious?" he gasped.  
  
He never liked it when he couldn't follow everything going on around him. The more he knew, the more he could protect himself when things went bad. He looked around now to make sure his back was closest to the nearest exit.  
  
"Yup. Attend, Severus. This is how we eat Pig Cake." James twiddled his fingers and stuck them into the center of the cake, dragging off a chunk and stuffing it into his mouth.  
  
"Mmmmrfm," he said, gesturing at Severus to have a go at it.  
  
Snape extended his index finger and scooped out nice gout of icing. He popped it into his mouth and smiled. It was delicious.  
  
James grabbed another handful, and tried to eat the whole thing at once. What couldn't fit into his mouth fell upon the tablecloth.  
  
Severus became anxious. He had been beaten nearly to unconsciousness for less in his own home. His eyes darted over to Mr. Potter, who turned another page. "You go ahead and enjoy yourselves, boys," he commented and returned to his own business.  
  
Severus was astounded. This was all right with James' parents!  
  
Grinning, he used his left hand this time and crammed the great wad of cake into his mouth. James' eye caught his and both boys began to laugh.  
  
It was a disaster to laugh with a mouthful of Pig Cake. Severus spun around with both hands over his mouth to make sure he didn't spray Mrs. P with the overage.  
  
"Mmmmmmmm, Jaaaaaaaaames want a biiiiiiiiiiiig piece of Piiiiiiiig Cake!" his friend said, grabbing a chunk with both hands. Severus actually began to laugh out loud, another first. James cleaned his fingers by wiping them down Sev's front. "Eeeeewie GOOOOIEEE!" he shrieked.  
  
Now getting the idea, Sev scooped up a clot and wiped it across James' face, smearing one of his lenses with his index finger.  
  
"Ohhhhhhh, BIRTHDAY BOY GONNA DIE!!!" he yelled, grabbing a handful and smearing new "eyebrows" on Severus' face.  
  
"Smile for the birdie," Mrs. Potter sang, taking a picture.   
  
-----------------  
  
The two sixteen-year-olds spent a glorious quarter hour cramming cake down their gullets or wiping it in each other's hair. Severus had never laughed harder in his life. He couldn't believe the Potters allowed such things. He never had fun at his own home like this, or hadn't, anyway, until his father went to jail.  
  
"MMmmfrfb bluggy blurb," James said, then swallowed. "Let's take a real nice picture for Lily, all right?"  
  
At that, Sev shoved cake up James' nose. James crammed cake into Snape's ears. Both boys hooted and shrieked in glee. Mrs. Potter took another picture of the mess. By this time, there was far more cake on the tablecloth and on the floor than remained on the white china plate. Sev used an elbow to grind cake into James' hairline. "I have only one comment," he said solemnly.  
  
For a moment, James thought he was going to freak out. Severus Snape ordinarily wasn't the kind of person who took to having cake shoved up his nostrils.  
  
"What's that?" asked Mr. Potter, still reading the evening news.  
  
"Where's the milk?"  
  
At this, James mimicked going berserk, running over to the refrigerator, opening it, and bringing out a large carton of milk. "COWABUNGA!" he shrieked, and made as if he was about to dump it over Sev's head.  
  
"Nooooooooooo! Birthday boy IMMUNITY!" the Slytherin cried, his cake- covered fingers jittering over the kitchen doorknob.  
  
"NO IMMYOONITEEEE!!!!!!! NO IMMYOONITEEEE!!!!" James Potter shouted, chasing Severus outside and into the snow, where he drenched him with the entire contents of the milk carton.  
  
"GONNA FREEEEEEEZE!" Severus shrieked before he slipped and took a header into a snow bank.  
  
"ICE CREAM! ICE CREAM!" James crowed, scrubbing his own face, hair, and clothing with snow. "GOES GOOD WITH PIG CAKE!"  
  
Mr. and Mrs. Potter smiled fondly at one another. "That Slytherin boy is such a serious little soul," she commented, wiping cake from the refrigerator and back kitchen doors. "I thought it would be fun for them."  
  
"Ready to head out to dinner, Mother?" Mr. Potter said. "We'll leave this mess until we're sure they're too tired to trash the kitchen again."  
  
Mrs. Potter stuck her head out the back door, putting the porch light on. She observed the two laughing boys in the middle of a furious snowball fight.  
  
"We'll be back soon, boys," she said mildly. A couple of porch lights from nearby homes went on. "Try not to bother the neighbors for too long, dears."  
  
"THAAAAAAANK MUM FOR PIIIIIIIIIIG CAKE!" James cried.  
  
"THAAAAAAAAAK YOUUUU MUM FOR GOOOOOOD PIG CAKE!" Severus hollered, bowing in a showy gesture. This gave James a chance to sneak by and flip him into the snow again.  
  
A few moments went by, and Severus didn't react. James was sure he had finally reached critical mass with the sensitive boy, until Sev shot up with twin handfuls of snow, which he jammed down James' neck.  
  
"Quiet, please," the old lady next door admonished the boys.  
  
"Hurry in, I don't want to lose all the heat in the house," Mrs. Potter said, gesturing them in and slamming the door behind them.  
  
"My hands are frozen," Sev laughed. "I can't even feel my fingers!"  
  
"Your hair is frozen, too," James said, reaching out and breaking a milk icicle that hung on the end of Severus' forelock. "Time for hot showers! Meeeee first!"  
  
Mr. Potter's hand shot out, grabbing his son's ice-cold, clammy, and cake- begrimed sweatshirt. "You let your guest go first, please!" Severus hesitated, afraid that James' father would hit him for such a breach. When he saw that all danger was past, he grinned and ran upstairs for first dibs at getting both clean and warm.  
  
"Thanks, Mom and Dad," James said, bending down to pick a glot of cake from behind the wastebasket. "Sev has had a pretty bad life, and I thought this would be good for him."  
  
"I gathered that, Son," Mr. Potter remarked, pulling on his galoshes.  
  
"Well, at least the old man's in Azkaban." James grinned. "Well, g'night, Mum and Dad!" He strode out of the kitchen with a spring in his step..  
  
"Azkaban's the best place in the world for him," James' mother said, picking up the edges of the tablecloth and folding them to the center. "Nasty old sod."  
  
---------------  
  
"It was fun being a disgusting pig tonight," Severus said, still warm from his hot shower and relaxing into his sleeping bag. "I must say I've never seen the like."  
  
James chuckled. "Eating Pig Cake is good for the soul."  
  
"Do you remember when you grossed everyone out when – "—Severus' voice trailed off, realizing that he'd been thinking of Martis – "when you guys did that pig job in the Great Hall?"  
  
"Sure do," Potter replied. "I thought Dumbledore was going to sic up his lemon chiffon pie."  
  
-----------------------  
  
During one particular lunch time in Martis' first year, she had done as she always had on Crete and had picked up a pork chop with her fingers to eat it. However, from the looks she had gotten, she realized that the British ate their chops with knife and fork. But Martis being Martis, she continued enjoying her finger food.  
  
Of course, little in the Great Hall was overlooked by the Marauders, who decided to make sport of her eating habits. James began by picking up his own pork chop, smacking his lips as he devoured it in a highly conspicuous way. Then Peter picked up his food with his fingers and began tearing at it with his big teeth, adding to the effect by chewing with his mouth wide open.  
  
This got a prompt and negative reaction from other Gryffindors, many of whom thought the boys had lost their wits. The reaction rapidly spread to the Ravenclaws. Sirius Black jumped right into the fray, eating his applesauce (for what is pork without it?) with his fingers. There were little cries of disgust as it dribbled onto his robe and down his arm.  
  
"Yummy," he sighed, crossing his eyes for effect.  
  
Students from Hufflepuff were now in on the joke, watching avidly and cringing at the appropriate times.  
  
Black then began to feed himself tinned peaches in syrup, which were as slippery and similar in shape to goldfish as he'd ever seen. One by one, he popped them into his gaping maw, trying to swallow them whole as did the Hogwarts students did in the 1920's. Remus Lupin – taking a chance, which was rare for him – decided to eat his tapioca pudding with his fingers. Several Gryffies shrieked in outrage, yet laughed in the same breath.  
  
Others joined in; a chorus of lip smacking and slurping noises rose from the Gryffindor table like a miasma. The Marauders proceeded to eat everything on their plates in a similarly disgusting fashion. It wasn't long before the situation reached critical mass and Professor McGonagall rose and flounced over to put an end to it.  
  
"Can I have another pork chop?" Sirius asked her with what he had always assumed was a winning grin.  
  
"Have you lost your senses, Mr. Black?" she snapped.  
  
"I'm just eating like Little Miss Snake Goddess over at the Slytherin table," he responded, pointing conspicuously to Martis Vox.  
  
"Except Martis doesn't look like a garbage disposal with hair," Severus shot back, fingering the wand stored in his sleeve.  
  
"Snivellus doesn't eat pork chops," Sirius crowed. "He doesn't need the additional grease."  
  
Britomartis Vox smiled sweetly. "Why don't you take those leftover peaches and cram them one by one up your – "  
  
"That will be quite enough," Professor Penderdandis sternly intoned.  
  
Both Snape and Vox quieted, but were not contrite in the slightest. Severus waved his wand under the table and muttered a few words in some archaic language.  
  
"What did you do, Snips?" Martis asked sotto voce.  
  
"Arranged for a fountain of applesauce to shoot projectile-fashion from Sneerius' nose right after his next class begins."  
  
"I like it," Martis giggled, squeezing his hand.  
  
Severus had grinned, happy to be in the company of a pretty and wonderful girl who didn't think he was a freak.  
  
--------------  
  
The only person at Hogwarts who had praised him – indeed, who had touched him – had been Martis, whom he would never see again. He was still so lonely and skin-starved for her that he could have cried forever. Snapping out of his gloomy thoughts, Severus said, "I guess everyone has a funny eating story or two."  
  
"How about you?" James asked. "Somehow, I can't see you eating pudding with your fingers."  
  
Sev's expression darkened. "Once I had the misfortune of picking up a piece of chicken with my fingers," he said.  
  
"What happened? Did your old man go off on you?"  
  
The Slytherin boy nodded. "How did you ever guess? He beat the crap out of me. All I remember is waking up halfway under the dining room table with a black eye and my lip split," he added.  
  
"I'm sorry to hear that, old chap," James said with true sincerity in his voice.  
  
"I was only seven years old at the time," Sev continued. "I don't think I've eaten chicken since; my father ruined it for me for good and all. I still have a lot of trouble eating and keeping things down. I can't imagine what he would have done watching me devour that Pig Cake earlier tonight."  
  
"Well, you won't have to trouble your head about it," James replied. "I hope someone is blackening his eyes and splitting his lip in Azkaban."  
  
Severus gave him a grim smile. "The Dementors don't bother with that. They just suck up your good memories, leaving you with nothing but the horror shows in your life paraded before your mind's eye in an endless loop. Either that or they just suck your soul right out of your body. I like that option better for my father, actually. Down the hatch."  
  
"Well, enough of eating stories," James stated with a wide yawn. "Busy day tomorrow. We're going to raid the candy shops and practice some Quidditch. Are you game?"  
  
"Potter, that was an excruciatingly bad pun."  
  
"I aim to please," James replied. "Psych yourself up for divinity overload. Good night."  
  
"Good night," Severus replied, wincing at the second awful pun and squirming down deeper in the down sleeping bag.  
  
Maybe he wouldn't dream of Martis tonight. 


	6. Miserere Mei

Chapter 6 - Miserere Mei  
  
The boys practiced their Quidditch moves all the following morning. Fortunately, no Muggles lived in the neighborhood, so no one was surprised to see two teenage boys on broomsticks skimming over the homes and back yards. The sky was crystal blue and the sun shone without heat but with much beauty and light.  
  
Not having proper Quidditch equipment, Severus had charmed some of the rocks in the Potters' back wall to serve as bludgers, the quaffle, and the golden snitch. They used the top of the largest trees in the area as goal posts.  
  
Severus had been having a wonderful time. For the first time in his life, he felt part of something whole and good instead of blighted. The boy's heart felt light. Perhaps his father had been wrong about him all along.  
  
He and James got along all right; you never would have believed that James would have been the one behind the cruel trick that sent Severus fleeing into the Forbidden Forest. Of course, James had apologized for that particular offense at least a dozen times.  
  
James found Severus to be totally unlike any of his other friends. He valued academics and was driven to succeed. He had a totally unanticipated dry wit. He was also reclusive and suspicious, but James understood he had plenty of reasons to be the way he was. The Gryffindor boy had never seen anyone as badly scarred as Severus Snape had been, realizing now that this had been the reason why he had refused to remove his shirt during Sports at school.  
  
One time during their first year, Sirius Black had actually pinned him and yanked his shirt over his head, thinking that the Slytherin had only been embarrassed because he was so thin. "Hey, mates, looks like Snivelly's old man's been using him for target practice!" he had shouted, calling unwanted attention to the Slytherin boy. Once Sirius had gotten off him, Severus had rolled over and pressed his face in the dirt. It took their professor to get him to move and get up. It was like he was paralyzed or something. He had sent Sev along to the Hospital Wing, of course, but it was really a good deal too late for that.  
  
James hadn't understood what the boy had been feeling at the time because he had no concept of what it was like to live in fear in one's own home. The thought had chilled him of late, now that the reason to contemplate such awful things was right there in front of him. There would be no refuge, no safe place for such a child. Mr. Potter had only spanked James once and that was for squirting a classmate with spray can of aerosol bug bomb.  
  
James had remembered that some of the marks on his friend's chest and back had been burns. This helped him to remember to be kind to Snape now.  
  
-------------  
  
"Cheers, Potter!" called a voice from below them.  
  
It was Sirius Black and the other two Marauders.  
  
"Gods," James hissed, and descended rapidly.  
  
Severus' face was suddenly white under his black watch cap. "What in all hells is this, Potter?" he spat.  
  
Sirius Black – accompanied by Pettigrew and Lupin, all three with their brooms -- swaggered over to him. "All right, James?"  
  
Potter nodded, hardly able to breathe. Black grinned, and in that moment James knew what would come next. It was almost like one of those dreams where you are powerless to stop an event from happening.  
  
"I wasn't expecting you guys," James said, every muscle in his body tense. He then realized that Severus was over in the stand of bushes alongside the Potters' back yard, losing what remained of his breakfast.  
  
This was bad. This was very bad indeed.  
  
Having the instincts of a predator, Sirius had instantly spotted the Slytherin. "What's this, Prongs? Look, mates! See what cold-blooded reptile James invited over to be pals!" The two boys came up, Pettigrew swaggering in that nasty way he had and Lupin with his characteristic reserve.  
  
"He was over there, puking in the bushes!" Black tittered as Snape strode over, jaw tightly clenched and clutching his old broom. "James brought us a little snake to play with!" Black poked Severus with his broom handle.  
  
"Don't touch me," Severus hissed.  
  
"Why? Too bruised up? Oh, I forgot. Your old man's in jail!"  
  
Severus looked up at James, who was stunned speechless.  
  
"Come on, let's get a game in," Black continued. "What do you say  
  
, Prongs?"  
  
James turned to Severus. "Sorry," he whispered. "Let's play a bit and then I'll get rid of them. I honestly didn't invite them. Please believe me."  
  
The James Potter of that moment was just a stupid kid of sixteen; a kid with no real experience in taking a stand or in making an unsavory decision that might lead to an entire domino-chain of still more unsavory decisions. In that moment as well, James realized that he had made such a choice, because the look of betrayal on Severus' face made him sick to his stomach.  
  
Nevertheless, the dark-eyed boy climbed back onto his broom, his Slytherin pride the only thing sustaining him. All five boys took their positions, using the charmed stones as James and Severus had.  
  
---------------  
  
Within five minutes, Sirius had managed to slam a "bludger" right at Snape. The end of Sev's broom splintered, and the boy was knocked flying.  
  
The Slytherin landed first on the roof of the Potters' back shed with a dismal thud, then rolled off and fell to the snow-covered yard.  
  
Peter Pettigrew shouted out in triumph. "He must have slipped off the broom because of all the grease!"  
  
"Oh gods!" James shrieked. He was on the ground in a flash, running over to Severus, who was lying on his side clutching his knee. "Dammit, Padfoot! What the hell were you thinking?"  
  
"Silly git's just making believe he's hurt," Pettigrew replied with a petulant expression, defending his idol.  
  
James raced into the house and fetched his mother, who ran out hatless and coatless to lean over Severus. Mrs. Potter smoothed the hair out of the trembling boy's eyes. "You just lie still, sweetheart. I'll go get you some help. Stay perfectly still, all right?"  
  
Waiting until his mother was back in the house, James faced Sirius. "Great job, you idiot! You're no better than his old man, you know."  
  
It was clear that Black had had quite enough of James' friendship with that "greasy little Slytherin", and his natural arrogance boiled over with a vengeance. "Why act so high and mighty, Prongs? You invited us over, after all! Said we could use Snivelly as the bludger!"  
  
At this, Severus paled and struggled mightily to get on his feet before the physical attack could begin.  
  
"You lying piece of crap," James hissed. "Sev, that is not true!"  
  
"Of course it is, Snivelly," Sirius said. "Why would any of us want to be your friend, you stunted miserable freak? Gods, you must be delusional if you think that James wanted you here for anything more than amusement value."  
  
"Shut your mouth, Sirius, or leave right now," James snapped.  
  
"Oh, knock it off, Potter. You told me yourself that you invited him so we could play a couple of nice harmless little pranks on him. Or was I deaf? Pettigrew, was I deaf?"  
  
Peter (who would have agreed to anything Black said) obliged. "You weren't deaf. I overheard him."  
  
Severus gasped aloud, then made a final push off the snowy ground with a moan. He looked at James, dark eyes burning with betrayal and hatred.  
  
"They're lying, Sev," James pleaded. "Sirius doesn't want me to be friends with you. Can't you see that?" James put out his hand to help Sev to sit back down until help returned. Severus knocked it away.  
  
"Don't touch me, you bastard," Severus whispered. "I can't believe you set me up! I knew better than to trust you!"  
  
"No! Sev! Please stay here!"  
  
Snape murmured something about James being on his list.  
  
"I never invited the Marauders over here! I didn't know they were coming!" James was near tears. "Sev, please!"  
  
"Why don't you just shut the hell up, Potter," the Slytherin hissed. "I was a fool – a fool and blind to trust you." Sev tried to walk away, but staggered and nearly fell. James moved to steady him, but this time Severus drew his wand.  
  
He pointed it right between James Potter's eyes.  
  
"You think Belial was bad, Potter? He was comic relief for some of the other demons I could send crawling into your head! Anamalech, Rabinu, Xezbeth!"  
  
It was both terrifying and fascinating to see the air around the Slytherin boy begin to thicken and shimmer as he continued his chant.  
  
"Marduk, Ninkigal, Tiskhu, Nirgallu, Shamgaz –!"  
  
"STOP IT, SEVERUS!" James screamed, fright building like a bubble in his chest.  
  
Severus raised his left hand, his wand still in his right. "Bagahi Laca Bachabe!"  
  
"DON'T CALL THEM UP, FOR GODS SAKE!"  
  
"You don't scare me, Snivelly," lied the terrified Sirius Black. The boys all watched as hideous half-formed shapes began to fly together above Severus' head.  
  
"Mericaz, Istermaah, Nen-gelal!"  
  
And then, Remus Lupin's voice rose above the others – Lupin, who excelled at Defense Against the Dark Arts. "Be split, be accursed, broken, and banned, son of mud, son of an unclean one, son of clay – "  
  
"Conjure up another devil, Snape, and I'll see you expelled," Sirius snarled, real terror in his voice. "There is no way Dumbledore will stand behind you if you do!" He dove at Severus, taking him down and knocking the wand out of his hand. Peter Pettigrew pounced upon it, snatching it up. Severus cried out in spite of his shame in doing so; Black had struck his injured knee. He doubled over and retched miserably from the sudden flare of pain.  
  
Beside himself, James raced over to him, trying to help him up. "I'm sorry, Sev, I'm so sorry – "he moaned.  
  
Severus' hand flew out and seized Potter's wrist, his face an emotionless mask and his voice a chilling hiss. "Why I believed that a Gryffindor could be friends with a Slytherin is beyond me. Don't ever speak to me again, you stinking bastard. If you do, you'll find yourself on the wrong end of my wand, and I won't be using any of your fine Hogwarts White magic. Do you understand?"  
  
Sirius then darted forward, snatching Severus' thin wrist and squeezing it as hard as he could. "Let go of him, you pathetic little puke!"  
  
"Sev!" James cried. "I swear that – "  
  
Black continued to squeeze the Slytherin's wrist until he screamed. "About time you caught on that you're not wanted here, Snivelly," Sirius snarled. "Get out of here before I mash your ugly face into another wall."  
  
"Shut up, Sirius!" James moaned, now free of Snape's grip. Where had his mother gone?  
  
"Get the hell out of here, you greasy little creep!" Black cried with real rage, twisting the boy's arm back and doubling him over. "Push off!" He shoved his knee into Severus' back, sending him facedown into the snow.  
  
James then saw how small and thin Snape really was; how shabby his coat and how the fresh bruises around his wrist were beginning to puff up as brown smudges. He recalled a long-forgotten memory of a half-grown bird he had once found, pushed out of its nest, only to be crumpled on the ground before it learned to properly fly. James also recalled the sight of the boy's scars – the marks of his father's hatred -- and how Sev's dark eyes had resembled deep wells of pain when he had told James how they had gotten there. And now here his friends were, here in his own yard, which was safe and a good place, hurting this poor broken boy yet again.  
  
Tears ran down James' face. "Oh shit oh gods oh shit," he moaned. "Let me help you up, Sev – "  
  
Severus struggled to right himself once more, panting with the effort and pain. He picked up his wand, where Pettigrew had snapped it in half and dropped it.  
  
Dropping his head so his long hair covered his thin face, Snape turned in James' direction, avoiding his gaze. "Have your house elf send my things along to school, Potter," he said. "Do it today as I don't have that many changes of clothes. You know where I live -- in Slytherin House."  
  
-----------  
  
James spent the last few days of his vacation in an agony of indecision about his choice of friends, not realizing that he had already decided by not deciding. He felt too ashamed to tell his parents the details of exactly what had happened to drive his friend away from their home – the details of what he, James Potter, had allowed to happen.  
  
He spent time with the Marauders, but it felt different for him. He was swamped with remorse and shame. Reaching out to Lily Evans, James had poured out his guilty heart to her.  
  
----------------  
  
Severus had apparated back to the edge of the Forbidden Forest, a sight that still flooded his head with unbidden memories. He had half-stumbled, half-limped back to his own room unobserved because the school was still nearly empty. He crawled onto his bed and buried his head in his pillow and stayed there for days, weeping. There was no one to comfort him, nor would there be. He was alone, as he almost always had been.  
  
He prayed to whatever gods would listen to end his life just as he had in the Forbidden Forest. Things were worse now than they had been, even then. A good deal worse. He had lost Martis, and now he had lost James.  
  
They had been his only friends, and now they were gone.  
  
---------------  
  
A despondent James Potter returned to Hogwarts for the new term. He was back at his old school with the Marauders at his side – things should have felt fine to him.  
  
Why did he feel such pain in his heart when he looked at Slytherin Tower?  
  
-----------  
  
A parcel marked "For James Potter" had been left on the floor in front of the entrance to the Gryffindor Common Room. The Fat Lady had been unable to provide James with the name of the boy who left it, only reporting that he had been crying.  
  
James had carried it back into his bedroom and unwrapped it slowly and with dread.  
  
It was Severus Snape's new red sweater, carefully wrapped in tissue paper.  
  
------------  
  
In the years to come – long after Hogwarts had become a fond memory for the two Gryffindors – James and Lily would decorate their mantle with the little transfigured castle bright with tiny lights.  
  
Even baby Harry played with the small bauble at Christmastime, not knowing that it was his father's memorial to his ill-fated friendship with a weary, skinny child named Severus Snape. 


	7. Lacrimae Rerum

Chapter 7 – Lacrimae Rerum  
  
"It is easy to call up demons, Because demons are always calling you And you have only to step down to their level and fraternize with them. Then, they will tear you in pieces at their leisure."  
  
--Aleister Crowley  
  
In tears and beside herself, Lily Evans had shown up at the Slytherin dormitory door demanding to see Severus Snape. When she had been ignored, she commenced to scream until Professor Penderdandis himself came up behind her (scaring her half to death in the process) asking her what the devil she meant by it.  
  
"I need – to – see Severus, sir. Please. I really must."  
  
Fearing that the problem was between Lily and Snape (she slightly resembled the Vox girl, he supposed), Penderdandis let her in, and turned to fetch Severus from his room.  
  
Snape had been holed up in his dormitory since he had returned from the Potters several days before. His Head of House had been unaware of it because Severus' roommates were still gone, so no one had complained to him that history was in the process of repeating itself.  
  
There had been no need for Penderdandis to fetch him, either. Young Snape now slouched out with a limp, barefoot and wearing a robe. It was pretty clear that he hadn't bothered to bathe since then.  
  
"How dare you, boy!" Penderdandis hissed in spite of himself. "Slytherins don't show such disrespect to their House – or their visitors!" He began to scruff the boy, but Severus whipped around and struck his hand away.  
  
"Get your hands off me," the boy said to him.  
  
Penderdandis realized his error immediately, and let the slap and the comment go. Calming himself and realizing that this situation had gone very wrong, the Slytherin Head of House now looked closely at the boy, whose face was tallow-white and his eyes deep-socketed and red. "I expect you to clean up and report to my office in one hour's time, Mr. Snape," Penderdandis said solemnly, hoping this message would underscore for Severus exactly how far out of control he was at the present moment.  
  
Snape eyed him coldly and gave him a curt half-bow.  
  
He then turned to Lily.  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
"Oh, gods, Sev! You're scaring me!" Lily whispered, beginning to cry again.  
  
"I'm a scary kind of guy, Lily," Severus replied coldly. "Don't tell me you haven't noticed."  
  
"James told me what happened."  
  
"James Potter and his little friends can go straight to Hell."  
  
"You don't mean that, Severus!" Lily sobbed.  
  
"Oh, I do," he said with a grim smile. "Too bad silly little mudbloods like you can't get it through their thick skulls that Gryffindors shouldn't consort with Slytherins, and vice versa. Potter made his choice between his Marauder friends and me well known – very clearly, in fact."  
  
"Where have you been? I've been looking for you at meals in the Great Hall. You look terrible."  
  
Severus gave her a mocking bow. "If you're so inclined, Sillyass Blastard knocked me off my broom and wracked my knee. I didn't think Pomfrey would appreciate my showing up on her doorstep, looking – and smelling – the way I do."  
  
"I'd be happy to help you go over to the Hospital Wing," Lily offered, reaching for him.  
  
"No," Severus said, stepping back out of her reach. "I'm too – dirty for the likes of you. You never know. I might just conjure something up to snatch your soul and drag it down into the Fiery Pit."  
  
"Stop talking that way, Sev! It's just not you!"  
  
Severus' lower lip trembled. "Oh, begging Your Ladyship's pardon, but it's me, all right. You're nothing but a stupid little mudblood, and I'm nothing but a foul stinking dark-wizard kid whose own father broke most of his major bones before he was even old enough to be invited to attend this shit pit of a school. Not a fit companion for you, at any rate. Not a fit companion for anyone, not to put too fine a point on it." His sudden grin was awful.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Severus. There must be some way we can fix this!"  
  
He sneered. "Why fix a situation that was untenable from the start? Potter can just go back to hating me the way he always has. He and his friends can just go back to tormenting me the way they always have. There's nothing left to fix, Lily."  
  
"No! James doesn't want that!" Lily wept.  
  
"I don't give a good goddamn what St. James the Martyred wants."  
  
"But what about the Wizard's Oath?"  
  
"What about it?" the boy said with an expression that her future son would recognize on the adult Snape's cold face. "Promises are made to be broken, especially when a golden Gryffindor has been stupid enough to pledge his loyalty to a nasty little snake that might whip right around and sink his fangs into his hand. Tell your boyfriend – "  
  
At this, Lily gasped.  
  
"– Tell him that he shouldn't have to nursemaid 'greasy little gits' whose own families don't even want them."  
  
"No, Severus! I won't!"  
  
"Then go straight to Hell yourself, girl."  
  
Lily stood, hands over her mouth, eyes horrified.  
  
"Get out of here. Get out of this snake pit, mudblood, before I call up a spook to defile you, or something nasty like that. You wouldn't like that, now, would you?"  
  
His face was wet with hot tears as he stepped towards her with a menacing gesture. "RUN!"  
  
With a shriek, Lily Evans turned and ran for the door. Her tearstained face was contorted into an awful expression of grief and loss.  
  
If anyone had bothered to peer into Snape's own face as he turned and left the Slytherin Common Room, they would have seen the same thing.  
  
-------------

Putting the meeting with Professor Penderdandis firmly out of his mind, Severus lay down on his bed and found that he could sleep.  
  
The dark and beautiful eyes closed, the child's haunted face relaxed.  
  
Severus Snape dreamt of deep, dark rivers and razors red and slick with Slytherin blood. -----------  
  
The End 


End file.
